It has been one hell of a year. At first I intended to go into detail about my birth experience as that was the start of this amazing ride. As I wrote though a lot of the anger over it resurfaced and honestly, although I am still unhappy with what happened during, the end result is what matters the most and I don’t want to hold onto those negative feelings in reference to the event that brought the most beautiful little angel into my life.
So, instead, we talk about how my life has changed after that event. It has changed, although there are moments when it is tough and money is tight, life is good in so many amazing and unexpected ways.
Some things that make me happy with motherhood:
The way Dahlia falls asleep with her bum in the air.
Warm baby snuggles.
How Dahlia sneaks into the bathroom and plays “Peek-a-boo” with the shower curtain when I am trying to shower. (It is both adorable and frustrating in equal parts.)
Dahlia dancing at 2 am, just because she can.
Baby squeals, growls, babble.
Tiny little forks, spoons, bowls and plates in my dish rack.
Toys, lots of them, everywhere. I get to play with them too.
Tiny clothes. Bright colors. Tiny shoes too, sometimes some of them even stay on her feet.
8 tiny teeth and she loves her toothbrush.
Eating is now a contact sport.
Those moments when she gets away while you are changing her and you just see this adorable baby bum wiggling down the hall.
Rolling potatoes across the kitchen floor. She also drives a loaf pan around the kitchen like a car.
Finding baby socks everywhere, and none of them match.
Bath time. Even though there are often more toys than water in the tub.
Seeing the magic in the world around me again as it is explored by my daughter, how could I have forgotten how awesome everything is?
In addition to just enjoying my little girl so very much I have found a new respect for myself and my body. I am currently dieting, not to be super model skinny. Not to feel better about how I look, because oddly I am content with that for the first time in my life after becoming a mom, I find I can’t go back to the self loathing I used to have for myself because I can’t possibly hate anything having to do with my kid. I am her mom, I can’t hate my kids mom!
I am doing this for her. I want to be healthier and be here as long as I can. My own mom is having some health issues currently, I need to be more proactive and take better care of myself. I need to be here for her. I am her mom, I don’t have time to slack and if I don’t respect and take care of my body, how can I teach her to do the same in the future?